I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
