I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
