Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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