we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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