got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
