What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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