Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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