Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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