My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
