There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Barsexuality is the new black.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
