One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
