I'm jealous of your bromance
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
