It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's shark week go big or go home
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
