This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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