I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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