Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
