its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
