nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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