Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
