The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
