How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
