I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
