I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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