mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
