Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
