so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
