Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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