I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
