I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
