Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
