So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
