the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
