he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
