It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
someone owes me an orgasm
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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