then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
