First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
