batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
