hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
