I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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