There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
