she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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