we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
