oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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