Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
