it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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