I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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