my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize