i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
