went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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