Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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