i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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