brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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