you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
