I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
