so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
