I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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