ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
