Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
