Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
