Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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