Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I love you.
Bad choice
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