Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
