i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
