I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
