I need to stop coming to work sober
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
