I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
