we have pet lesbian snakes
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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