It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
