i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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